How to Play With Your Autistic Child: Ask Fewer Questions

It is easy to turn play into a quiz. “Do you like dinosaurs? Which one is your favorite? What do they eat? What sound do they make?” The intent is connection. The effect is a stack of demands. Each question asks the child to process, formulate, and perform. Inspired by work from Dr. Gregory Hanley and FTF Behavioral Consulting, cutting unnecessary demands makes shared time easier, especially for autistic kids.

Why the quiz wears kids out

Leisure should not feel like a test. When every interaction requires an answer, play stops being restorative. Sometimes the most useful support is presence without a running commentary.

What to do instead

1. Sit at their level. Get on the floor. That alone signals “I’m in your space with you,” without a verbal demand.
2. Play alongside. Build your own block tower next to theirs. Parallel play invites them in without directing the script.
3. Swap questions for observations. “That’s a tall tower” puts less load on them than “How many blocks did you use?”
4. Let them lead. Follow their instruction for where a toy goes or what role you play. When you see a smile or laugh, do more of that.
5. Be willing to just be there. You do not always need to narrate or perform. Sitting nearby, available, still counts as connection.

Fewer demands often mean better conversations and longer shared play.

Try one play block this week with a question cap (for example, two questions max). Pair this with parent training if you want coaching on reducing demands across the day, or contact Orchid to talk with our team.